I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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