so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
