I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
