thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
