i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize