My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
