god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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