M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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