Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
