dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
