All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
