you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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