I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
