Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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