After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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