You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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