Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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