Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
