I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
