Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
birth control should be required to get into college
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize