I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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