It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She even gives head with a lisp.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
