I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i drank out of a bidet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
