From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
