you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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