It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
