I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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