I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
