I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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