u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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