Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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