3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
