My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
