hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
