thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
