News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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