You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
