she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
