btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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