..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
