Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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