I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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