Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
