I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
