ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
