Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
