Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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