john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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