my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
