Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
