the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
that's an acceptable place to lick
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I touched a dick in church today
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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