Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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