I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
