Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
