i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
