it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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