Got a toothbrush?
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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