I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
