when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
