____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
