I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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