There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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