btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
