The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think i have herpe
just one?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
