She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
