im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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