Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
