I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
