kristin has been a bad kristin
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
