there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize