Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
