final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
