i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ambien. No doubt about it.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I want to be your penis for a week.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
