I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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