in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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