I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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