The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
