I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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