so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
