Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
