I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
