did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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