I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize