Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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