Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
