forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
