pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
