"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
