right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
