I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
