When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
