It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
