I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
