areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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