In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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