i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't deserve a penis
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
