Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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