I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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